How To Beat the New Jersey Devils


The Ottawa Senators haven’t beat the New Jersey Trappers Devils in a quite some time. Actually, it’s been 3 years. The last time we beat them was in the 2007 Playoffs, where we kicked Devil (and Martin Brodeur) ass. Obviously, everyone’s thirsty for noather one, especially since Ottawa is trying to make it 7 in a row. It would be especially sweet if they could beat the Devils. However, some things need to be accomplished, so listen up folks! It’s big time here!

1. Tape “Kick Me” to Zach Parise’s back. Will eventually decease by puck drop.

2. Tell Travis Zajac that Zach Parise is dead. Romeo and Juliet all over again.

3. Bite Andrew Peters’ thumb. Or just piss him off.

4. Feed Nicklas Bergfors with Swedish Meatballs from IKEA. Will eventually pass out to too much indigestion.

5. Warn Dean McAmmond of the new lights operator at Scotaiabank Place by the name of Chris Pronger. Will shoulder himself.

6. Remind Jamie Langenbrunner he’s the cpatain of Team USA. Will ask a trade to Toronto by the end of the 1st period.

7.  Mention to Paul Martin that his fellow politician namesake was fat. Will grab 9,999,999 boxes of McDonalds by puck drop.

8. Tell Yann Danis that he’s Yann Danis. Will likely run away.

9. Mention the word “Offense” to Jacques Lemaire. Will pass out.

And finally…

10. Get Martin Brodeur drunk, hyponitze him, and make him think he’s Ray Emery. Will eventually hit and run dozens of cars.

I have no clue how this game will go. I hope for a Sens win, but you have to realize they’re facing the freakin’ Devils. although, tell that to Chicago.