I have made contact with my verified hockey sources and have managed to obtain a transcript of the private meeting between the Ottawa Senators players prior to their larger NHLPA meeting in New York.
Jason Spezza: Ok guys, thanks for coming. I’m just going to go over this list and make sure everyone’s here and accounted for. It’s alphabetical, so I’ll start from the top. Alex Auld… wait a sec, why are you even on this list.
Alex Auld: You guys sent me over here as our team’s representative earlier this summer for the negotiating committee with Phillips. I haven’t left since! I assume Murray’s got a contract for me when I get to return to Ottawa.
[Everyone stares at Phillips]
Chris Phillips: What!? Someone needed to stay in New York, I had a brewery to run.
[Players all nod in approval]
Jason Spezza: Um, well hate to break it to you Alex, but there’s no contract waiting for you back in Ottawa.
Chris Phillips: There’s free beer for you at “The Big Rig” on the house though. You might want to try the signature “Big Rig Gold” or maybe a “Big Rig Seasonal”. I highly enjoy the “Big Rig Rideau Red” myself.
Alex Auld: I can’t believe it… you’ll want me back. Just you all wait, third time’s the charm.
[Auld storms out of the room while Spezza continues going over attendance list]
Jason Spezza: Marc Methot, I’m not sure if everyone here’s met him. He’s an Ottawa native, a good old local kid for those that don’t know.
Chris Neil: [Whispering to Erik Condra] Hey, that Methot guy, he doesn’t look like he’s over 30 does he? And you’ve practiced with him, he’s not past his prime either?
Erik Condra: [Whispering back to Chris Neil] No… why?
Chris Neil: [Whispering back to Erik Condra] O no reason, just some minor history with Murray and acquiring local players.
[Erik Condra shrugs his shoulders while Spezza finishes off the attendance list]
Jason Spezza: Now that we know everyone’s here, there’s some stuff Don wants us to go over. First off, he’s encouraged by the public being on our side and he says Twitter’s a huge part of that. So shout out to everyone who’s using that.
Erik Karlsson: [Whispering to Daniel Alfredsson in Swedish] You hear that, can I re-activate my Twitter acount? Pleaseee!
Daniel Alfredsson: [Whispering back to Erik Karlsson in Swedish] Absolutely not, when my sons get Twitter then you can re-activate your account. Until then end of discussion.
Jason Spezza: Also, Don was wondering if there was anything else that us players wanted to include in negotiations. Anybody?
Marc Methot: Get EA Sports to pronounce our names correctly!
Chris Phillips: Make “Big Rig Brew” the official beer of the NHL!
Daniel Alfredsson: Free nachos for injured players!
Jason Spezza: Well then, um I’ll be sure to try and bring those topics up. Lastly before we go, EK you still good making the speech for our team, I think you’ll have the largest voice fresh off your Norris victory.
Erik Karlsson: Well uh, I wrote a speech but uh I’m not uh sure how good it is. Uh uh I really think somebody else should do it uh I’m not a very good speaker.
Jason Spezza: You’ll be fine, everyone will be paying attention to your flow anyway. [Jason Spezza begins laughing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMxJzdVYtXY]
Daniel Alfredsson: [In his head] And this is the man taking over my captaincy…